Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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