It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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