Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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