Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
