Whod you bang
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
