I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
