turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So much rum. So many feels.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
