I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
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Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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