I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
