She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
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It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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