the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize