I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My life is pants optional.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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