I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
