i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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