A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
