please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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