real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
