Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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