I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
