DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
