I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
This is the high leading the old right now
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
