Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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