it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
