im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
