Joe is yelling at the trees again.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
