He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
