The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
