i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Randomize
