trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
