ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize