I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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