I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
