She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
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I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
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I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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