she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i was born a porn star she said
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
do nipples grow back?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
