when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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