i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
