I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize