She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
