so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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