This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize