it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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