1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
