So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
