Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
