An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
