i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
