I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
