wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
