Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
