She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
