he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
