It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
two words: eviction party
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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