they need to just BURY HIM!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Randomize