She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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