So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
