I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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