Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
