go do what you do best...puke behind churches
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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