I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
