Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
