well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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