Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
